Article Title
Article Title

Dear Pen Pal,

by Mike Anton

Dear Pen Pal,

Hi there, new friend! My name is Matthew Hoback, but my friends call me "Matty." Maybe you could, too! I'm thirteen and live in a house in Elmwood Park, NJ, which is on the east coast of the United States of America. It's pretty cool. There aren't many parks though. I don't know if you guys get the show "Jersey Shore" but it's NOTHING LIKE THAT here. Everyone always says that and it makes me mad. Tell all your friends! :)

My teacher, Mrs. Barnette, told me to do this. She's a really nice lady and a really good teacher. Do you have good teachers at your school? Most of our teachers are mean and awful and stupid but she's really really nice. She's my English teacher and she told me that she thought I should join this program because I "express myself well threw letters" and cause I'd like to make new friends. And some t hat aren't on facebook lol. But we could be friends on facebook later too! And also cause my grandma works at the post office and they need lots of letters right now. It's a thing.

So I have two parents, my dad's name is Bob and my mom's name is Lucille. She has a funny name. I have an older sister named Stacey and a younger brother Wes who's a real buttface. He's really good at sports and stuff and he's better at me at it and he rubs it in my face all the time and I don't know why. I just try to sit in my room and listen to Skrillex cause it's awesome. do you like Skrillex? They're really good you should like them. Anyway he comes in and r uins it and everything and he's just a dick. Can I say that to you? lol hope you're not offended.

Stacey is cool. She is sick with a disease called Muscular Dystrophy and so she has to be in a wheelchair all the time and can't move really well. She used to when she was really little but it's been hard for her ever since so now she's in a wheel char. It's really cool though! It's a big machine and it gets her places and she has stickers and stuff all over it. She's really nice. It's tough but she's tough so it's ok. It makes me really sad whenever I run around and play and stuff cause she sees me and she can't do it. She says it's ok but I dunno. Then Wes comes and he ruins it cause he's a dick. Do you ahve any brothers and sisters?

My Mom is nice but I don't see her much. Stacey needs a lot of precedures and they're really expensive and we don't have insurance so she works a lot and I don't see her as much. It's nice to go to the diner cause she's a waitress there and I get a free sandwich whenever her manager Tony isn't there. She can't eat dinner with us but she's still there, which is kewl :) She works at a office as a secretary during the day at a dentist's office. He always cleans our teeth for free. Dr. Schwartz is nice. Mom comes home late sometimes. I miss her. What does your mom do?

My Dad isn't very nice. He's worse than Wes. Mom says that Wes is "your father's son." I don't know if that means he's not my actual Dad. I hope so. He builds houses and roads and stuff but when he comes home he's really really mean and sometimes I have to hide in the closet until he falls alseep on the couch cause he's loud and he hits us sometimes. It's really bad on Thursdays cuz he goes bowling and he comes home and he's not good at bowling and he blames us. I'm a good bowler. Do you like to bowl?

I haven't talked about me yet whaaaa! So I'm pretty cool. I'm kinda tall and I have glasses and my friends James and Jeff are nice and they're cool, too. We listen to Skrillex (obv) and watch South Park and play video games. Do you have Call of Duty? I don't have it but my friend James does and we play on his PS3 and if you have it and the game we could play it online sometime? I read books. The Giver is my favorite. It's about a boy who can see colors but they can't and he is all alone but he sees a lot of cool stuff. And there's an old guy who's kinda weird that teaches him this stuff. I like it alot.

Ok I talked a lot lol sorry. But I'm really excited to have someone new to talk to! Also I hope you speak English or else all this to you is BLAH BLAH BLAH LETTERS BLAH BLAH lol that'd be bad. Anyway, my address is on the envelope. Write me back! I'm excited to hear all about you! I've never heard of Syria but it sounds really fun and exotic. Is that in South America? Do you have beaches there? It sounds really nice. Maybe I could visit one day! It has to be better than here :(




cuz I'm sure we'll be friends :)

Image courtesy of penelope waits and her anonymous pen pal

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Mike Anton is the Editor-In-Chief at The Inclusive. Mike writes movie reviews and interview pieces for The Film Stage as well as screenplays, sketches, and the like. He lives in New York City and though he's an avid beard and flannel enthusiast, he does not consider himself a hipster. Contact him at mike.anton[at] or @mpants